Today, I am moving out.
It will not be official til saturday, which is when I get my bed (beka’s king single) and so will actually have a bed there. At Beka’s. Which is where I’m moving too.
I’m taking as much of my stuff as I can fit in my car over in the afternoon. I went on this huge packing spree getting stuff out of cupboards and draws all over the house and my mum said either one of two things everytime I looked in another place. Either a) you can’t take that or b) you don’t need to take everything, it’s not like you’re never coming back.
a) everything she said that about, she had bought for me, and so I sillily thought that meant it was mine. But no, it was for me to use, or for my room. I’m not allowed to take my bed. I’m not allowed to take my mirror. I can’t take my black blanket WHICH SHE GAVE ME. Is, here I bought this for you, not giving me possesion? Well possesion is nine tenths of the law so I’m taking at least my black blanket anyway. Hehe.
I also managed to convince her to let me take my washing basket, which I swapped with my sister so now I have a pink plastic washing basket. My sister was sitting in my room watching me pack my stuff which was amusing because I was offering her all this crap I didn’t want. Then I cleaned out my bottom draw and “oh it’s my.. nevermind” luckily it was in a bag, I pulled out my pipe, and then a box “what’s this..?” OH FUCK that was what was meant to be used with the pipe and didn’t all get used… HAHAHA almost got busted by my sister. Luckily she didn’t see!
Anyway, I’ve packed up everything but my clothes which I’ll do tomorrow after I get dressed. And some hats and stuff off my wall. And my shoes.
So what spurred this on? Well basically I’m sick of coming home and feeling crap only to go back to beka’s and work and have heaps of fun then come back home and downbuzz. It’s just not much fun. At beka’s there is no one telling me not to share my opinions and thoughts. Okay so beka tells me to shut up all the time, as I do to her, but it’s in good fun, it’s not seriously a “i don’t care” at all. Well I hope not haha. Nah. And living in both places is hard cause I kept losing track of my clothes haha.
And financially, I should be sweet. I think I’ll be getting about 14hours at work a week, if things stay the same, hopefully we get busier though. So thats about $140 in wages, at the very least it should only go down to $80. My student allowance will go up to $72-ish. And when I get my shit together and go to the doc to get a disability allowance form signed and do that, I should get about $50 a week from WINZ for being ceoliac. And having said all that, Beka doesn’t care about rent. She’s just happy to have company, I think, and because I’m gonna pay half of internet and phone, and we’re also going to buy an xbox 360 elite bundle with Halo ODST or something. Gonna chuck it on a credit account but shhh. Oh and I’ll chip in for power too. And food. So I think we worked out if I pay like $50ish for phone and power then I can’t see me spending anymore than that again on food each week, so I’ll be sussed. And Beka’s said she’ll help out if she can if I really need it. But I’m hoping I can go to my parents if I needs to. Even though my mum has pretty much said I”ll have to become self sufficient if I move out blah blah.
But fuck, if it fails and I end up poor and can’t stay living there, I’ll just come back home. They can’t say no. Can they?
20/20 LARP show is on tonight wee! Saw the trailer for it, funnnny. Though they took a comment out of context and so it’s a bit urrmm as to whether they’ll put it into context or not..
Ooh and I got my chimera photos today! My mum looked at them and says, you look awful in these. Oh jees thanks a bunch. Even though she said that was what I was aiming for wasn’t it? Well, pale yes, awful, no.
Went into forlongs to look at stuff with Beka, was talking to one of the staff there who has known me since I was a baby probably, he was saying how it looked like I’d lost a lot of weight and was looking really slim and I was like aw yay *warm fuzzies* I dunno if I have, I dunno the last time I saw him etc, but was a nice compliment. Of course stupidly I told my mum, and she was pretty much like oh yea right. Then said that I would kknow if I had. But I don’t know. Will weigh myself tomorrow.
Uuuuumm Lion-Bear got unpacked about 5 minutes ago. I started freaking out about moving out. It’s weird, cause I was thinking about how I won’t have my parents, my mum especially, there if I need her, to talk to, or look after me. But then, she’s not there for me now when I need it anyway. Or, well, I don’t let her. I’m not sure. But I’m not even sure which one scares me more. I’m also scared that when I move out they’ll be glad. They’ll be glad they don’t have to worry about me, and won’t have to put up with my attitude and me being mean to my sister, and not cleaning up and all that stuff. I’m scared they won’t miss me. I’m scared I won’t be able to cope living alone. I’m scared that beka will get sick of me. I’m scared it won’t work out. I’m scared it won’t be what I want it to be.
But I’m so excited.
I’ll have the freedom I’ve always wanted. I won’t have to put up with pathetic stupid nonsense. I won’t get at 1am “why are you still awake?!” because more than likely beka will be awake too hahaha. I won’t get in trouble for spending hours on the computer or watching tv. I won’t be made to feel like I’m fat because I eat shit and don’t exercise much. I won’t be made to feel ungrateful all the time, or like I’m a hassle or like I’m clueless. I won’t get nagged about stupid things. Or asked stupid questions. Over and over. Or at least I won’t mind the same. My family are the only ones that ask me stupid questions that make me angry. Lol.
I dunno. I just hope it’ll be cool. I’m sure it will be. I just hope all my shit fits actually!!! hahaha.
Well I might try sleeping, again. It didn’t work well last time. I got tense and tearful thinking too much. But I have lion-bear now. Don’t care how little it makes me sound. I’m growing up. I don’t know that I like it. But I’m taking lion-bear with me. And you can’t do a thing about it.
I can’t wait to start unpacking. Actually I just really want to play xbox. But I have to work first. And I really want to see what they did with the shots and stuff on larp at chimera. I wanna see if I’m in it haha. I kind hope not. But think it might be cool if I was lol. I’m not fussed either way, really. Unless I am in it and I look like a dick and someone recognises me! hahaha. Be funny.
Anyway. Sleep. I will maybe blog tomorrow night or whenever we get the modem and connected up at my new home! (bekas) hehe.
nightnight xo
